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Today was a beautiful sunny day, and I had an unexpected day off, thanks to a student flaking on me for the third time in a row. There were so many things I wanted to do today. I thought about going to the park, or wandering around the neighbourhood, or reading my book on the patio. But what I ended up doing was sleeping. I slept this entire beautiful day away.

I haven't been sleeping well at night lately. I get about two hours of sleep, and then my body wakes up. I can't get back to sleep for a long time after that, and when I do, it's for another two hours. It's ridiculous. I finally managed to get some real sleep at about 6:30, and I slept all the way through until almost 11 o'clock. And I only got out of bed because it was about three hours after the cats like to eat, and they were driving me crazy. John got home at about noon, and I went back to bed not long afterward. I slept until 3sih, and I probably could have gone longer. Instead I got up and tried to salvage some of the day. (I did eventually go out. I went to the pharmacy and bought melatonin.)

My problem isn't just falling asleep, although that is part of it. I don't get sleepy, so I try to wear myself out before I go to bed by reading or whatever. I often go to bed well past midnight, and often as John is waking up for his early morning shift. I have to force myself to bed most nights. Once there, I have a hard time shutting my brain off. Song fragments will loop in my mind (Last night's feature was Waka Waka by Shakira, a song I have heard exactly twice), or lines of dialogue from TV or movies. Sometimes I think about my day, or the things I have to do the next day. Often just as I start drifting off, a weird thought will occur to me, and I will jerk awake. Sometimes I get unbearably itchy all over, or I can't get a comfortable position or my elbows start hurting.  When I do fall asleep, I can't stay that way. Last night, I woke up after two hours of sleep, every time.

I have tried all kinds of things. I've tried over-the-counter drugs (Nytol doesn't really work. NyQuil does, but I have to take a lot, and I've found that if I use it more than a few nights in a row, I lose my sense of taste). I've tried teas and warm milk and baths. I've tried herbal remedies like Valerian. I have an eye mask and a white noise app on my iPod. My room isn't too hot, my husband doesn't snore (usually), and the cats usually at the foot of the bed, so they aren't much of a problem. I wear comfortable PJs, and I have a bottle of water and lip balm on my end table (just in case).

I guess the next step is to see a doctor, but I worry that they'll just prescribe meds, which aren't a real solution. John says I should try the sleep clinic at the university, and I am seriously considering it. I know babies have to learn how to put themselves to sleep. Is this a skill you can learn as an adult? All I know is that I have barely any energy. I don't have enough energy for simple things like housework or working out with the Wii. You know that feeling you get in your throat and chest when you've been crying? I have that all the time. I have it now.

What do you do when insomnia strikes? Is there a real solution to this, or will I have to take meds to get enough sleep to function? Will I ever stop being tired all the time? Is my problem really insomnia, or could it be something else more serious?

God, it's enough to keep you up at night.

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Time is not the boss of me!

April 2017

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