Here are a few things you should know that would make your bookstore experience more enjoyable. Mainly because you will be able to leave the store with all your limbs, and I won't have to go to jail. See? We all win.
- I am standing here at the cash register, holding my hand out for that book you'd like to buy. Acknowledge my presence by handing me the book. Don't ignore my hand completely and slap the book down on the counter, while my hand hovers uselessly beside it. Even worse, though, is when you dump your books three feet from where I am standing. Look up. I'm over here.
- I am very sorry I don't have that book you're looking for. But if I offer to order the book for you, do not then say, "Twenty-one dollars! Well, I can get it on Amazon.com for sixteen!" Because, seriously? That's just rude. Yes, I know the on-line retailers are cheaper and faster. But I work at an independent bookstore, and they are killing us. I won't tell you not to shop there (because I understand wanting to save the money), but you don't have to throw the fact that you are in my face. A "No, thank you," will do just fine.
- I know that you are a long-time customer, and it's neat how we have conversations about things other than books. But the follow-up question to "How is the new condo?" is not "So, when are you going to fill it up with babies?" And when I (stupidly, in retrospect) say that I'm not planning to have kids, do not then go on and on about how I would make a great mother, and I should really reconsider, and aren't kids wonderful, and they'll look after you when you're old, and bla bla BLA. Because you know what? A) I decided quite some time ago that I wasn't cut out for motherhood, so you harping on it isn't going to change that; B) You don't know me well enough to say whether or not I'd be a good mother, for all you know I could be an axe-murderer when I'm not at the store; and C) My reproductive choices are none of your business, and I don't have to justify them to you. And when I try to end this fucking inane conversation by saying that my husband doesn't want kids either, you DO NOT get to suggest that I leave him.