Yesterday, the store had its Christmas party. We usually do this in January because December is far too hectic for us. This year, we went curling, and then the boss took us to a nice restaurant for dinner.

I've never been curling before. The closest I'd ever been until last night was watching Men with Brooms. (Mmmm... Paul Gross....)  The boss, his wife, and the store manager were the only ones who had any experience curling, so mostly it was just us throwing rocks up and down the ice and making fools of ourselves. I had a fantastic time, and I would totally consider doing it again. If I ever stop hurting, that is. There isn't a single part of me that doesn't hurt right now. I used muscles I didn't know I had. Also, I fell a lot. Today has been pretty unproductive, because I can barely move without whimpering.

After the curling, the restaurant. We decided that since we never get a chance to dress up, we would go all out. Aside from the boss, the store is entirely staffed by women, so everyone wore fancy dresses. Except me. I wore a tux. I couldn't find a dress I liked, and a store near where I work was having a women's suit sale, and lo, the tux was $50. Plus, I had a sparkly pink tuxedo shirt to wear with it. (Sorry to disappoint, but I did not wear Chucks with the tux. Hey, that rhymes! No, I wore heels.)

I loved wearing that tux. I need my best friend to hurry up and find himself a man to marry so I can be his gender-bending Best (Wo)Man. Or a job as a secret agent.

We have accomplished amazing things in the 21st century. We have gene splicing and satellites and the internet. We have iPods and cellular phones (sometimes in the same device) and computers so small we can fit them in a tote bag. We've cured diseases and can perform complex surgeries from operating rooms half a world away. We even have robot vacuums and machines that will watch TV for us and find shows we like.

So why, with all these advances in science and technology, can't I get a BRA THAT FUCKING FITS???

This bra, this brand new bra that I bought the other day, fit perfectly in the dressing room at the store. And I tested it out, because I've had problems with bras in the past. I've got big bazooms. Girls like me can't just go with the first cute little lacy strappy thing they see. But this one-- I hunched my shoulders back and forth to see if the straps would fall down, I reached up above my head to see if I would pop out of the thing (a big problem I had with my last bra). I jumped up and down. I twisted. I shimmied. I practically did cartwheels to see if there were any flaws. None. It fit beautifully. The straps stayed put, there was lots of support, and it wasn't too tight or too loose. It made my boobs look fabulous, too, and didn't make my shirt do that peephole thing. It was, in fact, the perfect bra.

Until I wore it.

Today, the straps kept falling down, the band was too tight, and it was unbearably constricting. I felt like an idiot, fiddling with this thing all day.

It makes me crazy, this never-ending search for an adequate bra. I've been measured. I've done my research. I know what I need. So why can't I find it?